I really like being pissed on. One time, long ago, Mrs Twisted Cunt kind-of peed on me, but the flow was blocked as she stood over me in the bath, with me waiting underneath, cock in hand, ready to take the spray on my face and dick. She just couldn’t do it. I guess it’s much the same as when I try and pee in a public toilet. If there’s a guy next to me I just can’t piss. So there was a trickle that I enjoyed, but the main flow never came, and since then, like so much of my pathetic sex life, nothing. She talks a good sex life, but it never happens. Tiredness, kids always being around, and the fact that she was raised by a fucking lunatic mother who in turn was also raised by a lunatic mother, all contribute to make a gorgeous woman with a great figure but a fucked up attitude towards sex.

Man, I really know how to pick them. My first major relationship lasted eleven years, but sex was pretty much non-existant for the last ten of them. She did manage to fuck other guys though - cunt. That woman was a screw-up.

Where am I going with this post? Oh yeah. I can’t get Mrs Twisted Cunt to piss on me, and I doubt I could find a women who would do it on the sly even if I was the cheating kind, so instead I get by by watching pissing movies online.

Thank fuck for porn, and seeing as here in the UK you can’t get porn on any of our hundreds of television channels, (it’s all softcore nonsense), thank fuck for online porn. Keeps me going, and I reckon there are hundreds of thousands of wankers like me out there. Without a swift sausage-shuffle every day we’d all be walking around like ticking bombs. Masturbation saves us, porn saves us. Wake up women! Piss on your men! Or just get in touch and piss on me. Oh yes.

I complain about Mrs Twisted Cunt a lot, but in reality I love her with almost all of my heart. It’s such a waste of a great bit of cunt, though! This woman could fuck for her country! On the very rare occasions over the ten years or so that we’ve been together, when she’s decided that she wants my dick, (and I can count those occasions on one fucking hand), she fucks like a sex-demon. Intense, lengthy, mind-blowingly good sex, but it doesn’t happen any more!

There are probaly a million reasons why the flame has fizzled out, but I’m long past accepting excuses. What the fuck stops her from offering five fucking minutes of her time to give me a handjob? Why the fuck can’t she just say, maybe once a week, that she wants my dick in her cunt? It’s so bloody simple to keep me happy!

On the flip side, she gets loads of affection and attention. I bend over backwards to accomodate her needs, and I even have to beg her to let me lick her pussy. Man, just last night as she kissed me goodnight I asked if I could lick her asshole while I jerked off. She said I could, because she really gets off on having her bottom licked, and also we’d had a nice day out with our children and she was feeling happy. So I spent twenty minutes or so with my tongue probing her lovely butthole. Fucking lovely. I even managed to slip my dick into her cunt for a few minutes, too, but I didn’t want to push my luck too far and quickly returned to that beautiful tongue-in-ass action. Makes me horny just thinking about it.

See? The potential is there for loads of kinky sex, and even pissing sex, on top of a great, solid and very loving relationship, but as it stands now we’re fucked up. Such a shame, but I think as our children grow up things will improve, and I’m prepared to wait as she’s a great girl. I just wish her mother had raised her right. Fucking freak.

All models are over 18.